10 Annoying Things People Do on Facebook

Annoying Facebook friends. Everybody has them, everybody laughs about their posts, and everyone has moments where they click the “Unfollow all posts” option. Being a Youth Care Worker, I don’t have a LOT of time to be on Facebook, but I see so many hilariously irritating things pop up on my news feed and notifications. So many, in fact, that it’s become blog worthy. The Annoying Facebook Girl meme has become pretty popular in recent months, even having a Twitter account that is absolutely hysterical. Reading through the tweets, I can often say “Yep….see that…..she’s on my news feed….oh my lord, it’s the chick that sat next to me in bio Freshman year….” Thus, I’ve compiled a list.

1)  Girls who post pictures of themselves saying I’m so fat, I’m so ugly, OMG I’m disgusting, etc.

Attention whores: This one is for you.

Seriously. With this being the start of swimsuit season, I’ve seen too many girls with flat stomachs/abs posting pictures of themselves in bathing suits saying “OMG I’m such a chubs”, “I’m soooooo a fatty!”, “Ugh, I still look like crap, I need to work out!”, and so on and so forth. Really? You’re REALLY that desperate for Facebook horndogs to comment on how banging your body is and how you don’t need to change a thing? Bitch, please. If you’re that desperate for this sort of attention, why don’t you go on down to the local Showgirl III and put in an application.

2) People who chronic inviters.

Apparently, some people on my friends list (and by some, I mean too many) have wayyyyy too much time on their hands. I don’t think a day has gone by in the past 3 weeks that I haven’t come home from work to find at least 2-4 game invites. If you need the birthday calendar app to remember when my birthday is, we have an issue. I don’t NEED to play FarmVille; I live in it. I’m beginning to think that the invention of the Facebook game was one of the WORST ideas in the history of social networking—-Zuckerberg, c’mon.

And this doesn’t JUST apply to games. I’ve gotten 150 event invites in the past 2 months and only 20 of them were things I could actually attend. The rest of them were faux iPad giveaways and things of that nature OR to events that were nowhere close to where I live. Oh yeah random dorm-mate from frosh year that I haven’t had a chance to delete yet, I’d LOVE to come to your Gossip Girl party in Scranton, PA….let me drop everything I’m doing in BFE, Indiana and I’ll be right there.

3) People who will post absolutely anything on Facebook.

By anything, I literally mean anything. Airing dirty laundry about their relationships, calling out “haters” in their statuses instead of confronting them one-on-one, asking for likes to win a pair of shoes, etc. It’s like nothing is real unless it hits Facebook. Not in a relationship on Facebook? Not in a relationship in real life. Not posting 10000s of religious photos and statuses on Facebook? You’re not religious and you’re going to hell in a handbasket.

Aside from the people that post 4 statuses in a row trying to bitch about their husbands and their kids and their neighbors’ baby daddy, I cannot STAND the statuses that go as such.

Facebook is going to start charging $40 a month for users. Anyone who reposts this status will be grandfathered in and will not be charged for using Facebook! REPOST THIS STATUS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO PAY FOR FACEBOOK!

or

*With picture* Like+share. This child has cancer and for every like and share Facebook pays 3 cent to this child.

I don’t usually comment on these posts, but when I do, it’s with a link to Snopes.com

Everyone has 1OO or more friends on Facebook, but when it comes to needing a friend how many would actually be there? I guarantee not even 25 friends/people will like this status . “LIKE” this status if you’d be there for me ; Set this as your status and see who’d be there for you

Hoooold up. So, I have to like a freaking status to prove my friendship? I guess that one time I told off a creeper at the bar to ensure your drunk ass wouldn’t get raped didn’t count for anything. Hmm…should have liked the status…..

Reshare in if you love God, in 120 seconds he will do you a favor

Ok, I love Jesus Christ with my entire being, but I’m not going to post a status to prove it. You feel you need to share on Facebook if you love God AND believe that in 120 seconds because of it he’ll do you a favor? Last time I checked, being one of his followers and turning your heart over to him was the way to win him over…..

gurl was walkin 2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode. she sed “bbz will u luv me 4evr” he said “NO..”…da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine. boy was cryin and went to pic up her body. she was ded. he whispered 2 her corpse “I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever…” (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr) xxx~*…LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRY TIME…~*xxx. if u don post dis witin 5 min, u will hav bad luk 4 10 yrs

Um…I’m sorry….Dafuq did I just read? How am I supposed to repost something that I can’t read AND that Microsoft Translator won’t translate….hello 10 years bad luck….? This brings me to Annoying Facebook Point #4.

4) People who post statuses that would kill an English teacher in his/her tracks.

The last status in #3 is a prime example. I mean, um….what? I know kindergartners who can spell better than that. Most browsers have a spell check feature (unless it’s IE….but that’s a backwards shooting pistol and doesn’t count anyway) so this is just nonsense.

Of course, there’s also the there/their/they’re and your/you’re battle that will rage on until the end of time…

 

Other things that fall into this category:

pEoPlE wHo TyPe LyK dIs (yes, yes with like spelled lyk and dis instead of this)

People who put a z where an s should go—example of a real Facebook status I saw on my news feed: “wizhing thingz could be different, it may take a long tyme, but im willing to do watever it takez!!!”

Every single time one of these things pop up, I die a little on the inside.

 

5) People who add absolutely anyone.

No Ram Hashish from Mumbai with no mutual friends, I don’t want to be your friend—-I don’t know you. Same goes for you creeper who sent me a message saying you wanted to lick whipped cream off my body.

6) People who post every detail of their relationship….the TMI-ers

Like I said....every part of it

It doesn’t matter if it’s the high school girl in love after 4 days or the crazy 30 year old newlywed with an entire album of her laying on the floor kissing her husband, you don’t need to post EVERY detail of your relationship on Facebook. Hell, I rarely even announce to Facebook that I’m IN a relationship. Why does it matter? It goes back to the whole “It’s not real if it’s not on Facebook” mentality that most people have somehow acquired. I’ve had 4 friends get married in the past 6 months and it never fails that SOMEONE will post something like this:

OMG! Change your relationship status and your name! You’re a married woman now!

It’s become SUCH a huge deal, that to poke fun of people like this I want to take a moment at the altar, get my phone from my matron of honor, and have the pastor say something about changing your relationship status to married. Unfortunately, I feel very few people in attendance would find it as funny as I do.

7) People who post just to get sympathy

The sad day when u realize that nobody gives a f**k about u anymore

if i go missing…dont try to find me…its u who pushed me over the edge in the first place

just dont kno wat 2 do nemore……jus want 2 go 2 slep an not wake up

*insert random sad song lyrics here*

These are all statuses pulled from my Facebook news feed…..of course the last one is just generalized because there are SO many. People are always looking for sympathy and someone to tell them they’re beautiful/amazing/not lame/not stupid/too good for the ex that left them for cheating/etc. What slays me are the ones who post “im so upset….dont talk 2 me pls” and then comment 3 hours later “Wow…no1 cares?” Um….didn’t you give specific instructions NOT to talk to you?

Finally, there’s always that group of individuals who INSIST on every status being something like this

Sweetheart, they make websites for that—-they’re called dating sites. If the guy above was female, I’m sure after he got into a relationship he would turn into #8…..

8) People who turn into the “Overly Attached/Obsessed Girlfriends”

 

Everybody knows a girl like this. One of my Facebook friends had/has one who is legitimately 10x creepier than this girl. Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you Overly Attached Girlfriend: IRL: No explanation needed

9) People who would have no ego without 2 things—-narcissism and photoshop

These people will do absolutely anything to boost their egos. First in this category, we have the narcissistic folks. You know, the ones who post pictures with captions like “Sexy as hell”, “Out of your league”, “My body is so bangin” and “OMG I’m SOOO hot!!!” Occasionally, you look at these and yes “Why yes Frank Facebooker, your abs are quite fantastic. Good for you, sir” (Modern Day Translation: “Daaaaayyyuuummmm”). However, 9 times out of 10 it’s someone who is pale as all get out and has the body of a 12 year old boy lifting up his shirt to show his “abs”…..really? You REALLY think chicks dig that? Put your shirt back down and stop blinding us with your paleness.

Next, we have the photoshoppers. Don’t get me wrong, I love Photoshop, Paint Shop Pro Photo X2, and even Portrait Professional 10 (which I use for my pageant headshots). I don’t, however, use them to erase half of my waist, make my booty bigger (it doesn’t need to be….this white girl has a donk already), or make my boobs look like they’re ready to explode. Photoshop has allowed people to morph themselves from what they truly are to what they and other people want them to be. One of my favorite parts of the Interwebs is the Photo Shop Fails.

There are tons more. Seriously, just use the Google Machine and type in “Photo Shop Fails” to see hundreds of pictures of girls asses that are so large they bend the closet doors. Freaking ridiculous.

10) People who are complete hypocrites

A broad topic, yes, but one that is more than qualified to end my first Annoying Facebook People post. There are several types of Facebook Hypocrites.

  • Religious Hypocrites—post statuses about what an abomination it is to use the Lord’s name in vain, but then do it daily. Also, guys who scream from the rooftops that lesbians are the hottest thing ever, but then bash homosexuality calling it a sin.

  • Girls who post they’re not like other girls—–are totally like other girls
  • Pot-Calling-The-Kettle-Black Hypocrites—-you know, those who hate on others for doing exactly what they’ve done/still do

And of course, my personal favorite

  • Girls who complain about how other girls post pictures of their bodies all over Facebook just for attention—but have their boobs all kinds of hanging out in their profile pictures and in just about all of their tagged/posted pictures as well.

This was probably the most fun I’ve had writing a blog entry in quite some time. Oddly enough, during the time I was writing this post my Facebook friends became increasingly intelligent and decided to not post complete nonsense…..luckily, I had already taken screenshots of the ones I needed 😉

Coming soon—Annoying Things People Do on Twitter! #omg #shutup #totespresh

xoxo

***MAJOR thanks to Failbook.com, Memebase.com, epicfail.com, and overlyattachedgirlfriend.com for posting all of the awesome screenshots I’ve posted. All 4 websites are hilarious—check them out!***

Here Comes the Ex

It doesn’t matter how happy you are with your life or current relationship, whenever an ex gets married it just freaking blows. My ex-boyfriend is getting married on Saturday and I’ve been an angry wreck all week because of it. It’s not because I still have feelings for him, because he left me for her or anything of that sort. It’s just the fact that he’s getting married….period. I don’t know why, but it just sucks.

Michael and I met in the late Fall of 2008 through Facebook and a mutual friend and we clicked right away. We began dating around Christmas and he was with me all through my Rush experience. He embraced the idea of dating a sorority girl at first, but then during bid week started getting a little anxious—because of the parties. I assured him that he had nothing to worry about. I had never cheated and I swore to him I never would–a promise I kept the entirety of our relationship.

On Valentine’s Day, he greeted me at my apartment door in a suit with a poem he had written for me. I melted. I had made reservations at Grazie!, a fabulous Italian restaurant in downtown Bloomington, and we enjoyed an amazing dinner together before returning home to enjoy the rest of our romantic evening. About 3 weeks later, Michael and I woke up early to catch breakfast before I had to go to class. I walked out of my bathroom to find Michael sitting on the side of the bed with a solemn look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“What is this….this isn’t mine” he said, holding up a condom wrapper.

“Diana was here for my party a couple weeks ago and had just returned from a weekend with her boyfriend. It probably fell out of her backpack because I know that’s the brand they use. Weird, but yes I do know. I can call her if you want”

He kissed my forehead and apologized for freaking out. After breakfast he dropped me off at class, told me he loved me, and headed back to Columbus. I had a hair appointment that afternoon, so I headed to the salon after class. I got a text from Michael saying “I can’t do this right now” followed by a text from my best friend saying “Oh my God, are you ok? I just saw”. Confused, I said “What are you talking about” only to discover I had been dumped via Facebook……he changed his relationship status without even a warning. To this day, he still thinks I cheated.

We’re still friends, and I maintain my innocence. I look at dating as a basis for marriage–if you can’t stay faithful to someone when you’re just dating them, how are you going to stay faithful for the rest of your life with vows and a legal union? It’s now become a “he said, she said” battle, with my poor best friend Jordan stuck right smack-dab in the middle of it.

As happy as I am right now with life, it makes me want to pull a stunt like Dustin Hoffman did in “The Graduate”….you know, this scene.

“Elaine! Elaine!”

As a friend, I wish him all the happiness in the world. As an ex, I’m going to try to ignore this weekend. Thank goodness Mama’s taking me shopping on Saturday so I’ll have something to keep my mind off of it. I don’t understand why I’m so torn up about this because I have no feelings outside of friendship towards him whatsoever. Maybe it’s the fact that Michael still thinks I cheated making his upcoming nuptials so hard to accept, maybe it’s because I never really got closure, or maybe it’s because it’s a slight twinge of jealousy that he’s getting married and I’m not. Maybe I’ll never know, but it’s one of the perks of being a girl: I get to be emotional over the dumbest things without much judgement.

A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words

My morning ritual on my days off is simple: Wake up, make a cup of coffee, watch Doctor Who, and check my Facebook. This morning was no different, other than the fact I was SUPER excited (still) about my new Wild Blueberry coffee K-Cups I got last week. However, when I logged onto Facebook, a picture that a friend posted immediately caught my attention and has had it all day.

For those of you who don’t know, I struggled with an eating disorder all through high school and even through college. My weight has been something that has plagued me since I was a teenager and is still a constant struggle today. Being a pageant girl, I compete against other girls with incredible bodies and, no matter how hard I seem to work, I can’t shed all of the 20 pounds I gained during my last 2 years of college. The past few days, I’ve been feeling like absolute shit. I’ve felt fat, unattractive, and just plain awful about myself.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this picture really made me go from feeling absolutely awful to feeling pretty damn great. I immediately reposted the photo to my Facebook wall because I wanted anyone feeling like I do to realize that thin is not always sexy. I got several comments from guy friends, including one of my ex boyfriends all saying the same thing:

Men like women with curves, not sharp corners. 

When did protruding hip bones, flat chests, and visible ribs become sexy? Marilyn Monroe, considered to be THE iconic sex symbol, was a size 14 to 16–which, by today’s standards is considered plus sized and even obese. When people think sex symbols, Marilyn is still the first one to come to mind. The media perpetuates the stereotype that Thin-Is-In. I, as an eating disorder survivor and a size 8/10, find that most men would rather have a woman that looks LIKE A WOMAN rather than a little girl. I’ll be the first to admit that I always have days where I wish I had a flat stomach…..but then I realize that I’ve got Marilyn’s hourglass figure and always get compliments on, well, my caboose 😉

I want this picture to spread like wildfire–to empower women to love themselves no matter what size they are. If you’re naturally thin, you’re naturally thin. My idol Audrey Hepburn wanted desperately to gain weight but was still beautiful with her small size. But, if you’re like most women, and have that badonkadonk and can have cleavage in a 1/4 zip sweatshirt—EMBRACE IT! Jamie Foxx said “If you’re cute in the face and thick in the waist–rock it!” I love this quote and I read it over and over again before every pageant I do.

I’m still working towards getting in shape. Not necessarily losing weight but toning up and being healthy. I’ve probably got a little to lose, but you know what? I still turn heads when I go out and I still walk proudly across the stage in a bathing suit when I compete. They say swimsuit is won from the neck up. If you got it–flaunt it.

And I’m gonna do just that.

A Thankful Season

With tomorrow being Thanksgiving, what better topic for a new post than being thankful. I do have to admit, though, that it’s kind of sad that we only take one day a year to share everything we’re thankful for. I make sure to thank God on a daily basis for everything I’ve been given in life, ranging from my incredible friends and family to my college education. I’ve been blessed with so many amazing people and opportunities that I can’t even imagine the person I’d be without them.

These past couple days I’ve been the epitome of the Debbie Downer because, well, being dumped does that. I looked so far into what I had lost that I forgot to look around at all I was lucky to have. Nothing like a swift kick in the arse from reality to snap a girl out of her self loathing. So, as I sit here with Makenna watching Team Umizoomi (and getting overly excited that they found a diamond key in a cave around the neck of a lion…..yes, I find ADPi references in children’s shows), I’m remembering everything I’m thankful for this year.

Family–I’ve been beyond blessed with an incredible family who supports me in just about everything that I do. Things have been rough this past year since Grandpa died, but our bond has become stronger and I know he’d be proud of how our lives are progressing. I’m closer with my cousins than most people are with their own siblings. We’re just a big group of fun-loving, crazy, musical towheads and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Friends–I can honestly say that, for the most part, I’ve had the same friends my entire life. My best friend Tabby and I met the first day of kindergarten and the rest is history. I’m so honored that she chose me to be her Maid of Honor and I can’t imagine my life without her. Most people say “Oh, we were friends when we were kids” but I’m lucky enough to say “Oh him? Yeah, we’ve been friends since preschool. We’ve been through just about every awkward stage of life together.” To me, that’s a pretty big deal. And, thanks to the glorious invention that is social networking, I’ve been able to reconnect with childhood friends that moved away as well. *Freddie Mercury Pose* Love it.

Sisters–I grew up always wanting a sister, but didn’t have any until I went to college……and now I have over 100 (Your move, Duggars). I would die without them and I’m so proud of the progress our chapter has made in the past 2 1/2 years. I’m not afraid to wear my letters proudly wherever I may be. I’m an Alpha Delt and, for that, I am beyond thankful. I’ve learned so much in the years since I accepted my bid. Little did I know how much a little piece of paper could change my life—-but boy, am I glad that it did! With the love and support of my beautiful sisters, I was able to make it through some of the darkest moments of my life. OBIC

Opportunities–It’s weird to say now that I’m a college grad, especially because I have the super expensive piece of paper and loan payments to show for it. I was lucky enough to get a job in my field right out of college, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. Sure, it’s not the most glamorous job and I get sworn at by 8 year olds, but I know I’m making a difference in the lives of these kids when their only other alternatives were being ignored or sent to DOC. Even though they may not always talk to us with the greatest amount of respect, I know they’re grateful for the help that we’re giving them and they’re willing to make a change…..most of the time. Every opportunity I’ve had whether it be pageants, college, jobs, whatever, has helped mold me into who I am today.

Life–Finally, I’m just thankful for life in general. Over the past year and a half I’ve been reminded that being young doesn’t necessarily mean you have a lot of life ahead. I’ve been reminded more times than anyone should that life can change in the blink of an eye and you never know when a day may be your last. Because of this, I live each day to the fullest and pursue my dreams full steam ahead. I have done so much in my 23 years on this earth, and there is SO much more I want to do in the next 50+ years. I want to meet my Prince Charming, get married, raise a family, and grow old with the love of my life drinking sweet tea while sitting in a rocking chair on my front porch. Outside of the big picture, I want to be successful in the job that I have, continue pursuing my career in music, and ideally go back in 5 years or so to get my masters degree in sociology and become a college professor. I’ve been ridiculed on multiple occasions for having my ideal life planned out, and I do realize that things change. However, I don’t give up without a fight and when it comes to something I want more than anything, I’m going to pursue it until I’ve hit the very end.

So, dear friends, this holiday season take time every day to be thankful for what you’ve been given. Tell those around you that you love them, because you never know when that ability may be taken away. Finally, Carpe Diem–Seize the Day. Follow your dreams and remember that there’s no such thing as a dream too big.

Much Love ❤