For When Smiling Isn’t Enough

Last night, I logged on to Facebook to respond to some messages before having dinner with my parents. There, at the top of my news feed, was the tragic headline:

RW

My first thought? “Oh, this has to be another death hoax. They’ve killed him, Hulk Hogan, and almost all of One Direction in the past few months.” Then I saw that it was a link to CNN. CNN does not (typically) report hoaxes. Sadly, it was true. One of the greatest actors, comedians, and human beings of my lifetime was gone. I immediately passed the information along to my parents and my brother, and we just kind of sat there after reading the even bigger shock: his death was an apparent suicide.

I’ve worked in the mental health field for almost 3 years. During that 3 years, I’ve worn many hats. I’ve been a direct care staff, a skills training specialist, and am now a care facilitator. I’ve had training upon training about depression and suicide, and it amazes me how taboo the subject of mental health still is. Depression is not a joke. It is a real illness that can affect absolutely anyone. Robin Williams’ sudden passing is a sobering reminder of this. All the smiles, adoration, and fame in the world are not enough to suppress the demons within. Sometimes, death seems like the only escape. Suicide is also a hush-hush subject. Many people consider it to be a “cowardly” way to escape from problems. Truthfully? It takes a lot of courage and despair to make the decision that ending your life is the only way to extinguish the pain. There’s no undoing it—and that’s terrifying to think about. On the outside, Robin Williams was happiness in human form. On the inside, he battled the demons of depression and addiction. No one is immune to mental illness. Eerily, some of my favorite Robin Williams quotes fall right in line with views and treatment of mental illness.

As John Keating in Dead Poets Society:

“No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”

As Hunter “Patch” Adams in Patch Adams:

“You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you’ll win, no matter what the outcome.

As Jack Powell in Jack:

“Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting.”

As Andrew Martin in Bicentennial Man:

“I try to make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.”

As Dr. Malcolm Sayer in Awakenings:

“The human spirit is more powerful than any drug and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter.”

And, of course, as the lovable Genie in Aladdin, Williams said this:

“But oh, to be free…such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world.”

And how true it is. You’re free now, Genie. May your joyful soul  find in passing the peace you longed for in life.

If you or anyone you know is battling depression, mental illness, or thinking of suicide. Please get help. You’re not alone and there are people there to help you.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline
1-800-273-8255

Attention Dieters: There is NO Magic Pill.

After being snowed in for 4 days and having nothing really to do outside of working out, I watched more TV than I have in the past week. What started as being sucked into yet another Law & Order: SVU marathon turned into the biggest research project I’ve done since college. At least one out of every 5 commercials was for something weight loss related, either diet plan or diet pill, that promised “miraculous results” in just a few short weeks.

Before I was introduced to AdvoCare, I tried just about every diet pill and weight loss plan on the market. I had no idea how to eat right, how to have a proper exercise regiment, or,most importantly, the confidence to move forward. SlimQuick, Hydroxycut, Alli, and OxyElite Pro were the main products that I used & expected to fix my weight problem. I saw commercials for 3 of the 5 while watching TV over the past 4 days, and it amazed me how much they make the products seem like a magic pill.

NEWSFLASH: There is no such thing.

I’m no doctor–I have no professional medical or nutritional training. What I do have is personal experience with yo-yo dieting, diet pill popping, and lots of disappointment with both. This entry is by no means to give an expert opinion, but rather to give a personal account of why I believe these are not only a waste of money, but even dangerous if used improperly.  So, anyone who is looking to lose weight and looking to OTC Diet Pills for help–this is for you.

SLIMQUICK
I tried the pills, the powder packets, and about everything else they put on the market. Nothing. At the time I began taking the pills seriously, I was working with a personal trainer and eating right. I lost maybe 5 pounds over the course of a month. I wasn’t impressed at all. Outside of just not working, it really didn’t have any major issues with it.

Verdict: Waste of Money

HYDROXICUT
I used several of the pill products (Regular, Max, and Hardcore) over the course of several months. The chiseled abs and toned physiques the company promised were enticing, and they made it seem so easy! After about 8 months and hundreds of dollars spent, I lost a mere 6 pounds. I wasn’t eating right and wasn’t exercising much at all, so that’s probably why I had such poor results. I had few side effects, the two biggest being nausea and restlessness. Once again, not impressed.

Verdict: Meh.

ALLI
This was potentially one of the worst decisions ever. Like most diet plans, the Alli system required a low-fat diet. While other diet pills will simply not work if you eat too many fatty foods, Alli has a nasty way of reminding you that you screwed up. You poop yourself.

I’m not even kidding, side effects include “Changes in your bowel function often occur because of the unabsorbed fat. Fatty/oily stool, oily spotting, intestinal gas with discharge, a feeling of needing to have a bowel movement right away, increased number of bowel movements, or poor bowel control may occur. These side effects may get worse if you eat more fat than you should. If these effects persist or worsen, notify your doctor promptly.”

I don’t know about you, but the idea of leaking oil out of my butt-hole was enough to make me stop using that junk ASAP.  Luckily, the only problem I had was needing to make a dash for the bathroom at Ussain Bolt speed.

Verdict: Absolute Crap……pun intended.

OXYELITE PRO
I found this product while on a vitamin website and saw this description:

“The proven formula of OxyElite Advanced from USP Labs boosts your energy levels and burns stubborn belly fat. This formula also reduces hunger pains, cravings and late night snack binges while giving you the energy needed to gain muscle and burn fat. Build up your dose gradually to achieve your desired weight loss.”

I didn’t even get to the point of building up my dose gradually because I felt so bizarre when I took the pills.  I honestly felt like I had been drinking each time I took a dose. Sweating, dizziness, tingling in my hands and feet–it was borderline awful. I also got EXTREMELY nauseated the majority of the time I took it. Most website reviews I read said that all the side effects were caused by the caffeine. My guess would be, for me, from something outside of that. I do not have a sensitivity to caffeine and was used to being full of it throughout the day.  I only used one bottle and never purchased it again. I hated not feeling in control because of a diet pill!

Verdict: Not for the weak–not something I’d recommend.

With all this being said, I realize that everyone is different. My honest suggestion to anyone who has a desire to get healthy or lose weight with the help of a nutritional company is to try AdvoCare. This isn’t a plug, this is truth. I tried just about everything on the market to try to lose weight, but it was not until AdvoCare was introduced to me that I found my answer. The products are amazing, the support is incredible, and the results speak for themselves.

One year (and 50+ pounds) later, a whole new person has been uncovered!

One year (and 50+ pounds) later, a whole new person has been uncovered!

Through the support of my team, the dedication I gave to my transformation, and the quality of the products, I discovered the champion I had hidden within.

There is no such thing as a magic pill that will allow you to eat a Big Mac and become a size 2 overnight. Weight loss takes education, dedication, and a lot of hard work. This is why I chose to become an AdvoCare distributor–so that I can BE the support for others who are in the desperate spot I was a year ago.

One of my favorite quotes is one that I heard at Success School last August from Tyler DeBerry. He said “Live your dream and share your passion. You will not accomplish anything unless you become intolerant of where you are.” It took me less than a year to uncover a whole new person, and I’m still going strong.

Be brave, be bold, and become what you were meant to be. Are you ready to find your inner champion?

You Keep Singing That Song….I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

I got bored yesterday while waiting for the Miss Indiana pageant to begin streaming online (by the way, congratulations to the beautiful Miss IU Terrin Thomas on being crowned Miss Indiana! HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOSIERS!!!) and began browsing some old music videos on YouTube. I had a flashback to high school semi-formal when I saw the music video for Hinder’s “Lips of an Angel”, because everyone would grab their date and dance ever so closely.

Newsflash, people. It’s not a love song.

It got me thinking about some songs that are played or remade to have a meaning that’s completely different than originally planned. I was quickly able to come up with several and, as a result, this beautiful little nugget of blogging was born.

 

1. “LIPS OF AN ANGEL” – Hinder

The true meaning of this song has been debated, but it sure as hell sounds like a combination of infidelity and the inability to deal with the one that got away. I have heard this song played at proms, semi-formals, and even at a wedding as a FREAKING FIRST DANCE (irony–the marriage ended as a result of a cheating husband.) It’s catchy, it’s smooth, and the singer’s voice drops panties. It’s not, however, a love song.

Unless you’re cool with the whole cheating deal.

 

2. “WHAT HURTS THE MOST”- Rascal Flatts, Cascada (Remake)

With lines like “It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go, but I’m doin’ it.” and “And not seein’ that lovin’ you, is what I was tryin’ to do”, this song seems like the quintessential breakup song, right?

WRONG!

Cascada turns it into a complete techno-breakup masterpiece which, I’m sure, is the last thing Rascal Flatts wanted. If you watch the video from the original version, you’ll come to discover that it’s about a young girl who loses the love of her life in a car accident after NOT telling him she sees him in her future when he asks. Tear jerker. Not gonna lie, I bawled like a baby when I watched the video. I love this song, I love the beautiful lyrics, and I hate when people post it after being dumped.

 

3.  “SEMI-CHARMED LIFE”- Third Eye Blind

This song used to come on U-93 when I was a kid and I’d sing it at the top of my lungs. A little bit of my childhood died when I found out what it was about…..Crystal Meth. Doing meth, having sex, and passing the hell out.

The end.

 

4. “PUMPED UP KICKS”-Foster the People

I have to admit, when this song came out I cranked up the radio. It’s catchy, but I never really listened to the words…..and then I did, and immediately regretted the decision.

Dude….we were all jamming to a song about a kid planning a school shooting.

The song was inspired by Foster’s experience with high school bullying and bassist Charlie Fink’s cousin, who survived the Columbine Massacre. Have fun singing along now, y’all.

 

5. “GUNPOWDER & LEAD”-Miranda Lambert

I love this song. I love to sing it, I love to listen to it, and I love that people think it’s a “Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned” breakup song.

One of the lines is “His fist is big but my gun’s bigger. He’ll find out when I pull the trigger.” I knew from the first time I heard it that it was about domestic violence. I assumed everyone else understood that, but then someone dedicated it to her “dumbass cheating ex boyfriend.” at karaoke. *facepalm*

6. “JAILHOUSE ROCK”-Elvis Presley

I was obsessed with Elvis as a kid, and “Jailhouse Rock” was my favorite. I thought it was about musical inmates coming together and singing about their misfortune.

Nope. Nope. NOPE! Sex behind bars. Please observe these gems of lyrics:

“Number forty-seven said to number three:
You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see.
I sure would be delighted with your company,
Come on and do the jailhouse rock with me.”

“The sad sack was a sittin’ on a block of stone
Way over in the corner weepin’ all alone.
The warden said, hey, buddy, don’t you be no square.
If you can’t find a partner use a wooden chair.”

“Shifty Henry said to bugs, for heavens sake,
No ones lookin, now’s our chance to make a break.
Bugsy turned to shifty and he said, nix nix,
I wanna stick around a while and get my kicks.”

……..sweet baby Jesus…….

7. “YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE”-Traditional (and Johnny Cash version)

This is on 90% of Johnson & Johnson baby product ads. It’s precious, and my mom used to sing it with me all the time:

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please, don’t take my sunshine away.”

Adorable, right? I didn’t know this until recently, but that’s just the chorus. The song in its entirety is actually quite depressing.

“You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You’ll never know dear how much I love you
So please don’t take my sunshine away

I’ll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You’ll regret it all some day:

You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You’ll never know dear how much I love you
So please don’t take my sunshine away

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
I was peeping through the bars.

You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You’ll never know dear how much I love you
So please don’t take my sunshine away

You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You’ll never know dear how much I love you
So please don’t take my sunshine away”

 

8. “CRASH INTO ME”- Dave Matthews

This song is, by far, one of my favorite DMB tunes of all time. I can listen to Dave for hours on end regardless of what his songs mean; the man is magic.

The first verse makes this sounds like a sweet love song:

“Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock, and sweet you roll.
Lost for you, I’m so lost for you.”

By verse 4, things start heating up:

“Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boys dream.. In a boys dream”

And then by the last verse, shit gets creepy. We realize that this isn’t a lovesick Romeo singing about his Juliet….it’s about a perverted  stalker/Peeping Tom:

“Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way I’d like to be”

 

9. “TUTTI FRUTTI”-Little Richard

My grandpa always listened to the oldies station when I was a kid, and this song always made me dance when it came on. Much like Jailhouse Rock, when I found out what was behind this song–my childhood died a little more. Not only is it about some guy getting it on with a girl, but multiple girls–they both know what to do (clearly, professionals) and they all drive him crazy. “Tutti frutti, aw rooty” was not the original lyrics of the song, before it got picked up to be recorded. Here’s what Little Richard sang live:

“Tutti Frutti, good booty
If it don’t fit, don’t force it
You can grease it, make it easy.”

Folks, we all danced as kids to a song about anal sex.

 

What should you take away from this? Simple. The next time you hear a song and you think to yourself “Wow….this would be a good song for [insert occasion here]”, for the love of everything that is sweet and holy–listen to the lyrics. You don’t want to look like an idiot when people realize your first dance is a song about rape, infidelity, or a stalker. Love, Rachel.

Mass Hysteria, Lightning Strikes, and 8 Gallons of Water

It’s a known fact that Indiana weather is about as indecisive as a woman in a shoe store. In early April, it went from 80° and sunny to 30° and snowing within a matter of days. Our springs are like a roller coaster, our summers are hot and stormy or hot and dry, our falls are…well….ok they’re alright..and our winters are usually mild.

It’s June 12th…..welcome to storm season.

After the tragedy in Moore, OK last month, everyone’s been on high alert whenever severe storms pop up. Today was one of those days. ALL day, all anyone could talk about was this Derecho line that was supposed to sweep the entire state of Indiana off to Oz. I’m talking tornadoes, VW sized hail, winds, flooding, the works. Since I’ve lived in the beautiful Hoosier state my entire life, I’m used to the threat of severe weather. Do nights like this still scare the bajesus out of me? You betcha. Do I pace around like a mad woman? No.

That’s my mother’s job.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother dearly but the woman is constantly paranoid over things she can’t control. She began freaking out this afternoon around 1 pm when the NWS put Northern Indiana in the “High Risk” category for “the first time since 2012!” (I then reminded her that was last year…so, no big deal.) I get home from work and the woman has 4 flashlights equipped with emergency strobes and laser pointers, a bag of dog food, and 8 gallons of water to put downstairs to prep for the night’s storms. She then proceeded to send my brother and I (ages 19 and 24, respectively) to go pack things in a duffle bag to prepare.

Mass Hysteria is something that is inevitable when the news is trying to prepare a large group of people for an event. 95% of NE Indiana was completely psyched out of their mind for this storm. My father, a very wise man and a veteran firefighter, looked at the radar and said “It’s going to weaken as it comes across…it’s nothing to worry about.” He called it. He completely called it.

As I’m waiting for the last of this line to pass through, I can’t help but think about the “what if’s”. Thank god my mother prepared in case we would have had a tornado. Thank god we knew what the worst case scenario would be before the storms hit. Thank god I still had power to blog.

The lightning is intense outside, the rain is soothing, and I’m going to fall asleep knowing I’ll have a house to wake up to in the morning.

10 Annoying Things People Do on Facebook

Annoying Facebook friends. Everybody has them, everybody laughs about their posts, and everyone has moments where they click the “Unfollow all posts” option. Being a Youth Care Worker, I don’t have a LOT of time to be on Facebook, but I see so many hilariously irritating things pop up on my news feed and notifications. So many, in fact, that it’s become blog worthy. The Annoying Facebook Girl meme has become pretty popular in recent months, even having a Twitter account that is absolutely hysterical. Reading through the tweets, I can often say “Yep….see that…..she’s on my news feed….oh my lord, it’s the chick that sat next to me in bio Freshman year….” Thus, I’ve compiled a list.

1)  Girls who post pictures of themselves saying I’m so fat, I’m so ugly, OMG I’m disgusting, etc.

Attention whores: This one is for you.

Seriously. With this being the start of swimsuit season, I’ve seen too many girls with flat stomachs/abs posting pictures of themselves in bathing suits saying “OMG I’m such a chubs”, “I’m soooooo a fatty!”, “Ugh, I still look like crap, I need to work out!”, and so on and so forth. Really? You’re REALLY that desperate for Facebook horndogs to comment on how banging your body is and how you don’t need to change a thing? Bitch, please. If you’re that desperate for this sort of attention, why don’t you go on down to the local Showgirl III and put in an application.

2) People who chronic inviters.

Apparently, some people on my friends list (and by some, I mean too many) have wayyyyy too much time on their hands. I don’t think a day has gone by in the past 3 weeks that I haven’t come home from work to find at least 2-4 game invites. If you need the birthday calendar app to remember when my birthday is, we have an issue. I don’t NEED to play FarmVille; I live in it. I’m beginning to think that the invention of the Facebook game was one of the WORST ideas in the history of social networking—-Zuckerberg, c’mon.

And this doesn’t JUST apply to games. I’ve gotten 150 event invites in the past 2 months and only 20 of them were things I could actually attend. The rest of them were faux iPad giveaways and things of that nature OR to events that were nowhere close to where I live. Oh yeah random dorm-mate from frosh year that I haven’t had a chance to delete yet, I’d LOVE to come to your Gossip Girl party in Scranton, PA….let me drop everything I’m doing in BFE, Indiana and I’ll be right there.

3) People who will post absolutely anything on Facebook.

By anything, I literally mean anything. Airing dirty laundry about their relationships, calling out “haters” in their statuses instead of confronting them one-on-one, asking for likes to win a pair of shoes, etc. It’s like nothing is real unless it hits Facebook. Not in a relationship on Facebook? Not in a relationship in real life. Not posting 10000s of religious photos and statuses on Facebook? You’re not religious and you’re going to hell in a handbasket.

Aside from the people that post 4 statuses in a row trying to bitch about their husbands and their kids and their neighbors’ baby daddy, I cannot STAND the statuses that go as such.

Facebook is going to start charging $40 a month for users. Anyone who reposts this status will be grandfathered in and will not be charged for using Facebook! REPOST THIS STATUS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO PAY FOR FACEBOOK!

or

*With picture* Like+share. This child has cancer and for every like and share Facebook pays 3 cent to this child.

I don’t usually comment on these posts, but when I do, it’s with a link to Snopes.com

Everyone has 1OO or more friends on Facebook, but when it comes to needing a friend how many would actually be there? I guarantee not even 25 friends/people will like this status . “LIKE” this status if you’d be there for me ; Set this as your status and see who’d be there for you

Hoooold up. So, I have to like a freaking status to prove my friendship? I guess that one time I told off a creeper at the bar to ensure your drunk ass wouldn’t get raped didn’t count for anything. Hmm…should have liked the status…..

Reshare in if you love God, in 120 seconds he will do you a favor

Ok, I love Jesus Christ with my entire being, but I’m not going to post a status to prove it. You feel you need to share on Facebook if you love God AND believe that in 120 seconds because of it he’ll do you a favor? Last time I checked, being one of his followers and turning your heart over to him was the way to win him over…..

gurl was walkin 2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode. she sed “bbz will u luv me 4evr” he said “NO..”…da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine. boy was cryin and went to pic up her body. she was ded. he whispered 2 her corpse “I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever…” (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr) xxx~*…LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRY TIME…~*xxx. if u don post dis witin 5 min, u will hav bad luk 4 10 yrs

Um…I’m sorry….Dafuq did I just read? How am I supposed to repost something that I can’t read AND that Microsoft Translator won’t translate….hello 10 years bad luck….? This brings me to Annoying Facebook Point #4.

4) People who post statuses that would kill an English teacher in his/her tracks.

The last status in #3 is a prime example. I mean, um….what? I know kindergartners who can spell better than that. Most browsers have a spell check feature (unless it’s IE….but that’s a backwards shooting pistol and doesn’t count anyway) so this is just nonsense.

Of course, there’s also the there/their/they’re and your/you’re battle that will rage on until the end of time…

 

Other things that fall into this category:

pEoPlE wHo TyPe LyK dIs (yes, yes with like spelled lyk and dis instead of this)

People who put a z where an s should go—example of a real Facebook status I saw on my news feed: “wizhing thingz could be different, it may take a long tyme, but im willing to do watever it takez!!!”

Every single time one of these things pop up, I die a little on the inside.

 

5) People who add absolutely anyone.

No Ram Hashish from Mumbai with no mutual friends, I don’t want to be your friend—-I don’t know you. Same goes for you creeper who sent me a message saying you wanted to lick whipped cream off my body.

6) People who post every detail of their relationship….the TMI-ers

Like I said....every part of it

It doesn’t matter if it’s the high school girl in love after 4 days or the crazy 30 year old newlywed with an entire album of her laying on the floor kissing her husband, you don’t need to post EVERY detail of your relationship on Facebook. Hell, I rarely even announce to Facebook that I’m IN a relationship. Why does it matter? It goes back to the whole “It’s not real if it’s not on Facebook” mentality that most people have somehow acquired. I’ve had 4 friends get married in the past 6 months and it never fails that SOMEONE will post something like this:

OMG! Change your relationship status and your name! You’re a married woman now!

It’s become SUCH a huge deal, that to poke fun of people like this I want to take a moment at the altar, get my phone from my matron of honor, and have the pastor say something about changing your relationship status to married. Unfortunately, I feel very few people in attendance would find it as funny as I do.

7) People who post just to get sympathy

The sad day when u realize that nobody gives a f**k about u anymore

if i go missing…dont try to find me…its u who pushed me over the edge in the first place

just dont kno wat 2 do nemore……jus want 2 go 2 slep an not wake up

*insert random sad song lyrics here*

These are all statuses pulled from my Facebook news feed…..of course the last one is just generalized because there are SO many. People are always looking for sympathy and someone to tell them they’re beautiful/amazing/not lame/not stupid/too good for the ex that left them for cheating/etc. What slays me are the ones who post “im so upset….dont talk 2 me pls” and then comment 3 hours later “Wow…no1 cares?” Um….didn’t you give specific instructions NOT to talk to you?

Finally, there’s always that group of individuals who INSIST on every status being something like this

Sweetheart, they make websites for that—-they’re called dating sites. If the guy above was female, I’m sure after he got into a relationship he would turn into #8…..

8) People who turn into the “Overly Attached/Obsessed Girlfriends”

 

Everybody knows a girl like this. One of my Facebook friends had/has one who is legitimately 10x creepier than this girl. Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you Overly Attached Girlfriend: IRL: No explanation needed

9) People who would have no ego without 2 things—-narcissism and photoshop

These people will do absolutely anything to boost their egos. First in this category, we have the narcissistic folks. You know, the ones who post pictures with captions like “Sexy as hell”, “Out of your league”, “My body is so bangin” and “OMG I’m SOOO hot!!!” Occasionally, you look at these and yes “Why yes Frank Facebooker, your abs are quite fantastic. Good for you, sir” (Modern Day Translation: “Daaaaayyyuuummmm”). However, 9 times out of 10 it’s someone who is pale as all get out and has the body of a 12 year old boy lifting up his shirt to show his “abs”…..really? You REALLY think chicks dig that? Put your shirt back down and stop blinding us with your paleness.

Next, we have the photoshoppers. Don’t get me wrong, I love Photoshop, Paint Shop Pro Photo X2, and even Portrait Professional 10 (which I use for my pageant headshots). I don’t, however, use them to erase half of my waist, make my booty bigger (it doesn’t need to be….this white girl has a donk already), or make my boobs look like they’re ready to explode. Photoshop has allowed people to morph themselves from what they truly are to what they and other people want them to be. One of my favorite parts of the Interwebs is the Photo Shop Fails.

There are tons more. Seriously, just use the Google Machine and type in “Photo Shop Fails” to see hundreds of pictures of girls asses that are so large they bend the closet doors. Freaking ridiculous.

10) People who are complete hypocrites

A broad topic, yes, but one that is more than qualified to end my first Annoying Facebook People post. There are several types of Facebook Hypocrites.

  • Religious Hypocrites—post statuses about what an abomination it is to use the Lord’s name in vain, but then do it daily. Also, guys who scream from the rooftops that lesbians are the hottest thing ever, but then bash homosexuality calling it a sin.

  • Girls who post they’re not like other girls—–are totally like other girls
  • Pot-Calling-The-Kettle-Black Hypocrites—-you know, those who hate on others for doing exactly what they’ve done/still do

And of course, my personal favorite

  • Girls who complain about how other girls post pictures of their bodies all over Facebook just for attention—but have their boobs all kinds of hanging out in their profile pictures and in just about all of their tagged/posted pictures as well.

This was probably the most fun I’ve had writing a blog entry in quite some time. Oddly enough, during the time I was writing this post my Facebook friends became increasingly intelligent and decided to not post complete nonsense…..luckily, I had already taken screenshots of the ones I needed 😉

Coming soon—Annoying Things People Do on Twitter! #omg #shutup #totespresh

xoxo

***MAJOR thanks to Failbook.com, Memebase.com, epicfail.com, and overlyattachedgirlfriend.com for posting all of the awesome screenshots I’ve posted. All 4 websites are hilarious—check them out!***

Here Comes the Ex

It doesn’t matter how happy you are with your life or current relationship, whenever an ex gets married it just freaking blows. My ex-boyfriend is getting married on Saturday and I’ve been an angry wreck all week because of it. It’s not because I still have feelings for him, because he left me for her or anything of that sort. It’s just the fact that he’s getting married….period. I don’t know why, but it just sucks.

Michael and I met in the late Fall of 2008 through Facebook and a mutual friend and we clicked right away. We began dating around Christmas and he was with me all through my Rush experience. He embraced the idea of dating a sorority girl at first, but then during bid week started getting a little anxious—because of the parties. I assured him that he had nothing to worry about. I had never cheated and I swore to him I never would–a promise I kept the entirety of our relationship.

On Valentine’s Day, he greeted me at my apartment door in a suit with a poem he had written for me. I melted. I had made reservations at Grazie!, a fabulous Italian restaurant in downtown Bloomington, and we enjoyed an amazing dinner together before returning home to enjoy the rest of our romantic evening. About 3 weeks later, Michael and I woke up early to catch breakfast before I had to go to class. I walked out of my bathroom to find Michael sitting on the side of the bed with a solemn look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“What is this….this isn’t mine” he said, holding up a condom wrapper.

“Diana was here for my party a couple weeks ago and had just returned from a weekend with her boyfriend. It probably fell out of her backpack because I know that’s the brand they use. Weird, but yes I do know. I can call her if you want”

He kissed my forehead and apologized for freaking out. After breakfast he dropped me off at class, told me he loved me, and headed back to Columbus. I had a hair appointment that afternoon, so I headed to the salon after class. I got a text from Michael saying “I can’t do this right now” followed by a text from my best friend saying “Oh my God, are you ok? I just saw”. Confused, I said “What are you talking about” only to discover I had been dumped via Facebook……he changed his relationship status without even a warning. To this day, he still thinks I cheated.

We’re still friends, and I maintain my innocence. I look at dating as a basis for marriage–if you can’t stay faithful to someone when you’re just dating them, how are you going to stay faithful for the rest of your life with vows and a legal union? It’s now become a “he said, she said” battle, with my poor best friend Jordan stuck right smack-dab in the middle of it.

As happy as I am right now with life, it makes me want to pull a stunt like Dustin Hoffman did in “The Graduate”….you know, this scene.

“Elaine! Elaine!”

As a friend, I wish him all the happiness in the world. As an ex, I’m going to try to ignore this weekend. Thank goodness Mama’s taking me shopping on Saturday so I’ll have something to keep my mind off of it. I don’t understand why I’m so torn up about this because I have no feelings outside of friendship towards him whatsoever. Maybe it’s the fact that Michael still thinks I cheated making his upcoming nuptials so hard to accept, maybe it’s because I never really got closure, or maybe it’s because it’s a slight twinge of jealousy that he’s getting married and I’m not. Maybe I’ll never know, but it’s one of the perks of being a girl: I get to be emotional over the dumbest things without much judgement.

A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words

My morning ritual on my days off is simple: Wake up, make a cup of coffee, watch Doctor Who, and check my Facebook. This morning was no different, other than the fact I was SUPER excited (still) about my new Wild Blueberry coffee K-Cups I got last week. However, when I logged onto Facebook, a picture that a friend posted immediately caught my attention and has had it all day.

For those of you who don’t know, I struggled with an eating disorder all through high school and even through college. My weight has been something that has plagued me since I was a teenager and is still a constant struggle today. Being a pageant girl, I compete against other girls with incredible bodies and, no matter how hard I seem to work, I can’t shed all of the 20 pounds I gained during my last 2 years of college. The past few days, I’ve been feeling like absolute shit. I’ve felt fat, unattractive, and just plain awful about myself.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this picture really made me go from feeling absolutely awful to feeling pretty damn great. I immediately reposted the photo to my Facebook wall because I wanted anyone feeling like I do to realize that thin is not always sexy. I got several comments from guy friends, including one of my ex boyfriends all saying the same thing:

Men like women with curves, not sharp corners. 

When did protruding hip bones, flat chests, and visible ribs become sexy? Marilyn Monroe, considered to be THE iconic sex symbol, was a size 14 to 16–which, by today’s standards is considered plus sized and even obese. When people think sex symbols, Marilyn is still the first one to come to mind. The media perpetuates the stereotype that Thin-Is-In. I, as an eating disorder survivor and a size 8/10, find that most men would rather have a woman that looks LIKE A WOMAN rather than a little girl. I’ll be the first to admit that I always have days where I wish I had a flat stomach…..but then I realize that I’ve got Marilyn’s hourglass figure and always get compliments on, well, my caboose 😉

I want this picture to spread like wildfire–to empower women to love themselves no matter what size they are. If you’re naturally thin, you’re naturally thin. My idol Audrey Hepburn wanted desperately to gain weight but was still beautiful with her small size. But, if you’re like most women, and have that badonkadonk and can have cleavage in a 1/4 zip sweatshirt—EMBRACE IT! Jamie Foxx said “If you’re cute in the face and thick in the waist–rock it!” I love this quote and I read it over and over again before every pageant I do.

I’m still working towards getting in shape. Not necessarily losing weight but toning up and being healthy. I’ve probably got a little to lose, but you know what? I still turn heads when I go out and I still walk proudly across the stage in a bathing suit when I compete. They say swimsuit is won from the neck up. If you got it–flaunt it.

And I’m gonna do just that.