As 2014 flies by at lightning speed, lately I’ve found myself thinking about how much has changed in the past couple years. Things I’ve lost, things I’ve gained, things I’ve learned, and things I’ve experienced—all of them having a major effect on my life in one way or another. Some of them still have a hold on a daily basis, and some of them I’ve learned to let go. That’s life.
And it goes on.
November 3rd, it will be 4 years since my beloved Grandpa went home to Jesus. The struggle is still so very real on a daily basis. I miss him more than words and my heart aches to have just one more day with him. I wonder how our conversations would go about my post-graduate life, who I’m dating, and about my job. I wonder what he’d have to say about my weight loss, and how he’d feel about the fact that I cut way back on the drinking like he wanted. But then, I wonder what he’d have to say about how I coped with his passing. How I drank to numb the pain. How I tried to fill the void in my life with any guy who told me I was pretty. How I almost gave up all the hard work I put into my college career. However, you can’t live with a bunch of “what if’s” lingering over your head. I just hope that, above all else, he’s proud of me. The void will never be filled and I’ll always miss him.
But life goes on
In March, I logged on to Facebook only to discover that my best friend of 20 years had unfriended me. To some, this may not seem like a big deal, but it was a crushing blow to me. We used to be insanely close and then our paths took us in different directions, I guess.
But life goes on.
I look back at all my pictures from college and feel horrible that I let myself get to the weight that I did. I want so badly to be able to proudly display pictures from my 4 amazing years at IU, but I’m so ashamed of how I look in most of them that I only have a few set out. I always wonder how much different my life would have been in college had I not gained the weight.
But life goes on.
If 2014 has taught me anything, it’s been to keep pushing forward regardless of how bleak the journey may seem. I’m looking so forward to what the next year has to bring. Relationship? Engagement? Children? Grad School? Who knows. All I know is that I have my feet rooted in confidence and am ready for whatever 2015 throws at me.
Life goes on, the story unfolds, and the next chapter is on the horizon. Bring it.